Rufus held Cloud in the dream again

"why do you want to hurt people?" Rufus asked him.

"Because I hurt...."

"you'd take that out on others?"

"It's so intense..."

"Cloud, I never took my pain out on others"

"I know..." Cloud lowered his eyes "Its like I'm not in control of myself.... They annoy me so much"

"why?"

"Keep asking questions.... I just want em to leave me alone... and let me do what I gotta do"

"Don't hurt them, please...."

"I wont. Rufus... if you could come back... right now... would you?"

Rufus held him tightly. "of course I would"

"If the thing works... you will come back for me?"

"yes. Why wouldn't I? I hate to see you in pain"

"I thought perhaps you were happy dead..."

"why?"

"What was it like dying? I've always been told death is peaceful and happy..."

"maybe it is ... when you get to go to the life stream...."

"You can't go there?"

"no... I burned up my spirit energy, remember?"

"Yah. Will you be able to come back.... though... if it works?"

"I don't know, but I hope so. I don't like seeing you in pain"

"So do I... its all I got to hope about. You gotta come back... I'm nothing without you"

"What were you before we met then?"

"Nothing...."

"You had to be something. How could I love nothing? You are something. you just don't see it. Cloud, what if you were given a small time to be with me again? "

"I would do anything for it"

"even if it was only for a short time?"

"No... I can't. Rufus ... if Holy doesn't work what will I do? "It has to work... I don't want to die alone....."

"I wanted you to live ... for I do live inside you ...."

Cloud shook his head sadly "I need you..... you changed my life....."

"I changed you, you changed me"

"I can't go back to being without you. And what about ShinRa ?"

"But Cloud, I'm here ......"

"Here is different Rufus"

"but I'm still with you"

"I know. But I can't bear to think of what its like.. going to sleep without you curled up beside me... That's why I haven't slept willingly...... since you were gone...."

Rufus curled around him and held him tightly. "I'm always here"

Cloud began to cry "Not the way I need you"

Rufus held him "how do you need me?"

"I need you... to make me smile.... make me laugh...."

Rufus ran his finger down Cloud's nose.

Cloud frowned "I need your real touch"

"I know" Rufus closed his eyes

"And I need to be able to touch you...."

"That's why even after I couldn't feel you, I still held to your hand. I want to be there to touch you"

"It has to work. And if it doesn't... Rufus... I've turned into a very violent and lonely man.... I need you....."

"I know"

"You gotta put me back together... or help me do so"

"I will. I remember ... it was in gold saucer that you told me you didn't think you could sleep without me holding you"

Cloud nodded "I've already been there... I only sleep after I've exhausted myself so much I just collapse. Or someone drugs me. I guess I frightened them... they drugged me"

"why can't you see me dead?"

"Because it will make me totally snap"

"why love?"

"Seeing you dead.. again. Not moving..... pale.... they said they put you in the water. It hurt a lot to see you dead the first time. Seeing you dead... again.... knowing its true.... I keep lying to myself that you are just waiting for me somewhere...."

"Cloud, if you can't face that fear ... how can you face Sephiroth?"

"I can face Sephiroth....."

"but you can't face .. me?"

"I love you.. it hurts.. a lot to know you're dead"

"I still love you .. even if I'm dead"

"I know. I still love you too... "

Rufus smiled "thank you"

"Do you think I will be able to kill him?"

"I hope so"

"I know I can kill him....."

"I mean .. if I can die .... then he can too"

"I wish you hadn't"

"I know"

"You don't know how empty I feel now. I've sunk as low as to threaten those who are trying to help"

"I know"

"You are the cure to my ailments... Unfortunately I can't just go to a Pharmacy and buy you"

Rufus grinned "I know that, I'm one of a kind"

"That means if you are gone forever.. so is my heart"

Rufus closed his eyes and seemed to be weakening again.

"Rufus please..." Cloud said.

Rufus looked back up at him.

"You know this is hard on me" Cloud told him.

"I know it is"

"I will never love anyone else. I'll die lonely and dreaming of you"

"at least I'll still be ... in your dreams. I'll be somewhere"

Cloud sighed. "Rufus... please don't talk like that... its got to work... it has to... I wont take no for an answer...."

Rufus smiled again, strength seeming to return

"It will work" Cloud said.

"yes" Rufus agreed.

"And we'll take a nice vacation afterwards? Someplace where there aren't any insane people? Other than you and me"

"yes, any where you want to go"

They both smiled.

"I missed your smile" Rufus told him.

"It's hard to smile"

"I know"

"But I know.. I'll get to see you again. I have to"

"you will, just keep smiling and thinking happy thoughts"

"Yeah... I gotta be happy and enjoy it all while there's still stuff to enjoy"

"that's the way to look at it"

"And there will be something for me to enjoy.... You!"

"yes"

"And if it doesn't bring you back... I will find another way... Even if I have to hunt Hojo down... "

"oh? I just don't want you to die"

"I won't. I won't be happy if I can't have you back... but I will fight until I find a way"

Rufus held him.

"I won't die until all hope is gone" Cloud told him.

"there will always be hope as long as you are alive"

Cloud put his arms around Rufus. "You promised you wouldn't leave..... keep your promise.... you will come back"

"I will. you promised too"

"I know. I've kept it"

Rufus smiled and ran his fingers through Cloud's hair. "you wanted to know how it felt to die?"

"Yes.. if I may?"

"If I had just died in your arms very early .. not let myself cling ..."

"You didn't have to love..."

"It probably would have been the peace you think of ...Why?"

"Because.. you should have had the peace you deserved" Cloud hugged him tightly.

"But, what would you have done?"

"You don't need to sit around and watch me suffer"

Rufus hugged Cloud. "Peace ... I could have had that, but, I could not bare to leave you. I was not going to let go of you ... not until you ..."

"Rufus.... "

"yes?"

"You want to come back don't you?"

"yes. why do you ask?"

"We both want it... so it will happen. I'll lose my faith in the whole world if it doesn't"

"Why do you ask if I want to come back?"

"Because Rufus.. if we both want something enough... it will happen"

"I know. I meant, why wouldn't I want to come back?"

"I don't know"

"I was not sure when I stopped living really .. since by that point .. when I let my eyes close .. I couldn't feel anything"

"Soon after love"

"but, I did here your voice"

"I felt for your pulse... after your hand fell out of mine. that's when I realized... that's when I shattered"

"I still remember you saying, maybe you should sleep" Rufus sighed. "I didn't want you to shatter"

"Its alright.. you're coming back.... I know you are.... we can put the pieces together again... I had to let you sleep.... I had to let you go... I couldn't keep you like that any longer"

"couldn't keep me like what? Clinging?"

"Yes"

"did that really hurt you more?"

"It hurt a lot... to know you were leaving me.... but it hurt more to think you were in pain .. keeping yourself in it for me"

"The pain was the thought of you being unhappy"

"I'm very unhappy Rufus... I've lost the one I love. I won't ever be happy until you're back"

"I know"

"Perhaps never.... "

"I wish you could be happy no matter what"

"Rufus.. you were my happiness..."

"and you were mine"

"You can't expect me to be Mr. sunshine without you"

"I just wish there was some way for you to be happy even without me .... It hurts me to think that you can't be happy"

"You're acting like you can't come back"

"I would do anything to come back just to make you happy"

"I know you would... but don't if it Jeopardizes your humanity"

"the one way I had to live, would have taken that want away from me. That's why it would have been worse"

"Yes"

"Please .. be happy ... I need you to be happy"

"Not without you I cant" Cloud hugged him tightly.

Rufus held Cloud tightly as he sat on the ground. Cloud clinged to him.

"I wish you could hold together" Rufus told him.

"There's no glue...." Cloud replied.

"I wish you could be strong for me"

"I try... All I can give is my best... its not much"

"I love you more then anything ..."

"Rufus... we're gonna be happy together for a long time.. you'll see"

"I know. Cloud, as long as you are happy, I'll be happy too. please, be happy for me"

"I'll be happy... as long as there is hope.. or I will try to be. Give me hope.. don't talk hopeless to me... please. Lie to me if you have to...."

"I'll give you hope. what do you want to hear? what will make you happy to hear?"

"I want to know that you will be back...."

"I will be"

"I'll get rid of Sephiroth... and we won't have to worry anymore... And I'll make sure that you don't stay cooped up in an office all day....."

"I want all the pain in you to somehow reverse and turn to happiness" Rufus smiled. "I've never really liked having to stay put in an office"

"We can travel the world together.... and show people you aren't a monster"

"And you will be happy forever"

"Yes. Who wouldn't be?"

"I want you to be"

"I will be. Just be there"

"I will always be there"

Cloud looked at Rufus... his eyes filled with pleading sadness

"I promised never to leave you" Rufus told him. "Please, stop being sad. It does no good"

"I will try.. for you"

Rufus smiled a little more. "Thank you love"

"It's had not to be sad.. when the best thing in your life was ripped away.... so soon after getting it"

"I know, but, there are always the happy moments"

"Yes. And ones that I want to live yet... please promise I will?"

"you will"

They held each other tightly.

"what happy moment do you wish to see?" Rufus asked as he lay back with him. Cloud closed his eyes and put his head on Rufus's chest. "Every moment I had with you ..." Rufus went on "It made me happy ..."

"Don't talk like they were your last....."Cloud told him.

"Just knowing I was loved... am loved" Rufus smiled and rubbed Cloud's back to help him relax. "seeing you happy made everything I suffered in my past worth it"

"I will be happy for you" Cloud promised. "I love you so much... you're the first person I've loved since Sephiroth"

"I know"

"I won't ever love another"

"You made me love and revived my dead heart"

"It seems I'll have to do it again"

"my heart is not dead"

"Your physical one is"

"I know"

"I hope I'm not too far gone for you... when you come back"

"don't let yourself get far gone"

"I won't. I'll hold on for you. I don't want you to return and find me in bad shape... it'd be poor manners. Rufus.. Cid said something about a Barrier.... around Sephiroth... any ideas on how to get through?"

"hmmm, well .... There is the sister Ray ...."

"What's that?"

"The cannon in Junon ... Scarlett's invention. only problem is .. it runs on Mako"

"Think she'll let us use it?"

"yeah"

"Hmm.. we will have to start a reactor back up.. long enough to use it"

"yes"

"Rufus... will you forgive me if I can't continue without you? We both know its hopeless right?"

"I will forgive you ... but it still makes me sad ....."

"I know"

"I still don't want you to die"

"I still have a hope you will return to me"

"hope is good. I want you to continue Cloud ..... "

"But if you don't.... please don't hate me for leaving... I promised... but....."

"I'll never hate you. I love you too much"

Cloud hugged him tightly. "Lets not talk about this.... "

"all right" Rufus hugged back.

"It's all I've got left... let me lie to myself... "

"if that makes you feel better"

"Let me believe...... and maybe a miracle will happen. do you believe in those?"

"Maybe. you didn't fight me on the rooftop even though you seemed ready too. there fore, anything is possible"

"Yes...."

Rufus moved his hand to Cloud's face, stroking the edges of his smile "I love to see you smile"

Cloud smiled a little more. "For you.. only for you"

"I love to see you happy and when you get that look of pure bliss on your face ......."

"When this is all over....."

"words cannot describe how that makes me feel"

"Bliss.. will I ever see that again? You gave it to me......."

"name a happy memory ...."

"Any of the times with you. Except the execution and your death. Any time we were alone... together....."

"why the execution?"

"The execution... just frightened me... it wasn't your fault"

"Alone .. together ..." Rufus smiled.

"We'll have plenty of time for that again love"

"I loved when ever you moaned in pleasure .... it made me feel so happy that I could make you feel pleasure"

"You have great hands... Always know where to touch ....."

"you always loved my gently touch"

"I'll visit you... If you cant come back to me... I'll try.. "

"you'll visit?"

"I just hope I won't have to..."

"I know"

"But if I do.. I'll make sure.. perhaps I will set up a hermitage in the Ancient City.... I won't want to be far from you....."

"but you never are ... for I'll always be there, one way or another"

"Let's hope it's the way I want it to be"

"yes. Thank you for not leaving me with Aeris when you wanted to go after Sephiroth"

"You're welcome love..."

"I couldn't have left... I knew... you were leaving me. I know you didn't want to watch, but I needed you"

"I kept lying to myself... telling myself you'd be okay"

"I didn't want to"

"I let you linger so long... I should have just let you sleep"

"which hurts more in the long run? The lies or the truth?"

"the lies..."

"yes, you kept on asking me to stay"

"That's why I want to be truthful with myself now....."

Rufus looked into his eyes. "yes"

"It's hard though... the truth hurts. I'm going to miss you"

Rufus smiled. "I'll always love you. just never forget me"

"I will try.. but I don't know how long I can last. Once Sephiroth is gone.... I will go off on my own... Tifa and Aeris won't need me dragging them down......"

"You are their friend"

"No.... I can't do that to them Rufus...."

"do what to them?"

"I would just be a third wheel... let them be happy together"

"Cloud .. maybe you don't notice, but you brought joy into people's lives. not just mine. but theirs too"

"Rufus... I want to be alone... after all of this... I need to have time to try and heal... there's a great big chasm in the middle of me.... I need to fill it in... "

"Tifa and Aeris ... that's why they didn't want you to go off and get killed" Rufus smiled. "I know"

"I'm going to try my hardest to get you back"

"be brave"

"And I won't let Sephiroth kill me"

"good"

"I'll hold you in my heart.. he can't kill me that way.. not if I have someone to live for"

"when you see him, don't forget to say why you want to kill him so badly"

"I have many reasons now. He left me... he killed the people in my town..... and he killed the most important person in my life.... I'll wake up soon.... "

"I know. I'll still be with you. just remember that"

"Yes" Cloud held him close and smiled.

"Fill the emptiness with the joy you felt ..... "

"I'll try"

"and, spread the happiness you gave me to others ...."

"But you know.... I'm not the strongest guy in the world...."

"I know. You can still help others though ... make them feel happy, and you will feel it too"

"I will find others.. once this is over.. it'll bee too painful to stay with them. You understand?"

"I know and I understand"

They cuddled.

"I still don't think I can sleep without you" Cloud told him.

"then think of it this way ... you'll be with me when ever you dream ....."

"True. But please.. try your hardest to come back.. that would make me the happiest guy in the world again"

"and, do not hate yourself for keeping me awake for as long as you did. I will"

"And I will try my hardest to get you back"

"I want you to be happy and lest I got to go to sleep in your arms. it did not matter how long it took"

"That was a nasty wound....."

"yes ... "

"I'm gonna kill Sephiroth in the most painful way I can think of"

"went right through me, right?"

"Yes..."

"I mean, you could see through it .."

"All the blood... Rufus... it was terrible. It ruined your jacket....."

Rufus chuckled. "but, at least you were there to cradle me. to hold my hand"

"I wanted to hold you.. but was afraid it would hurt....."

"hurt?"

"hurt you"

"it would not have bothered me"

"At least I got to hold you in my arms.. and be at peace... even if only for a little while"

"it would have been you holding me"

"Sephiroth will pay dearly for taking it away"

"yes but, you still have your memories"

"Yes.. no one can take those from me.... I'm waking up....."

"I know" Rufus smiled.

"Well I guess it's off to Junon. Thanks for keeping me together a little longer"

"of course love"

Aeris woke Cloud up. He opened his eyes slowly.

"Cloud?" Aeris asked.

"Mrph....." Was Cloud's reply.

"sorry about having to drug you"

"... it's alright. We're going to Junon....."

"it is? You were shouting when ..." Aeris blinked. "we are?"

"Yes. We have to use the canon there to break Sephiroth's shield"

"how do you know this?"

"Rufus....."

"what did he say?"

"We both know it's rather hopeless. Holy has a slim chance of working... I can't lie to myself anymore. C'mon.... we have to go now.... its gonna take a while to get the reactor running again"

Aeris nodded and smiled a little. "wow, you seem in a better mood. you wanted to kill us all before we tranqed you"

"I'm not the man I used to be...."

Aeris helped Cloud to his feet. "Meaning?"

"Don't ask too many questions..... you wont like the answers"

"oh Cloud, come on! tell me something!"

"Is the Highwind ready?"

"yes"

"Good... get the others together"

"alright!" Aeris ran off.

"Rufus...." Cloud said aloud "I hope we will see each other again... in the flesh.... I hope I'm not leading the others to their deaths......"

Cloud Strife walked off to the Highwind... praying that he will get what he needs so badly..... and that no one will have to die for it to happen.